As salamu aleikum, Beautiful 🙂 Today I have a very very important topic to cover: mental health. I’m sure you know someone, who silently battles/-ed depression, anxiety, PTSD or postnatal depression. It’s not uncommon to hear a friend admit that for the last few years she has been facing some really hard times and that her marriage is in ruins, because her husband doesn’t understand what exactly is she talking about.
Not only marriage is in ruins, but she cannot find a way to get out of this. Maybe, she doesn’t want to live anymore or longs for ‘it’ to be over.
Yes. Muslims are not exempt from suicidal thoughts. Let’s face them.
The healing can only begin when important issues won’t be brushed off as nonsense, ‘not real’ or a ‘lack’ of iman.
It makes my blood boil, when I hear stories of shaming or another how-dear-you-to-get-mental-illness story, where the person is not even allowed to speak out and finally get help, because it’s ‘shameful’, ‘not real’ or ‘your kids will be taken away’.
It makes no sense to me and, as a professional, I am very well aware of the long term consequences to the person.
Mother who have killed her baby, because she never got help for her postnatal depression…
Woman, who never recovered from PTSD and never got the help to manage her symptoms to make her life more livable…
Woman, whose anxiety attacks prevent her from living a normal life and long term stress is ruining her health…
Woman, whose depression is so out of control, that she does not see the point to live anymore and the only choice she has is to use medicine to manage, but inside her is that craving of being understood and heard…
It’s hard to believe that these issues are still not taken seriously.
How many divorces has happened, because sister was going through postnatal depression and her husband just couldn’t take it anymore?
How many times, depressed sister has been told to get over it?
How many times she has been told that ALL of this is ‘just in her head’?
Many. Unfortunately, there are no numbers to show the scale of the problem.
How does mental health affect marriage?
It can become unbearable. The feeling that whole world is on your shoulders and you crave your loved one to see through you and understand that you cannot bear the thought of living, let alone anything else.
It, unfortunately, pushes the two people apart.
It makes marriage a lonely walk to the darkest corners of your soul.
It’s shamefully lonely experience and Allah knows if you will push through it. Sometimes, it feels dying is a better option. Especially, if the relationship with the husband is in shambles.
How to fix that?
There is no easy fix. It’s a process and you will, very likely, need a professional assistance.
You need to be heard. Your issues need to be talked through.
And you need to leave your marital issues to be solved later, when your mental health will be in better state.
Explain to your husband what you are going through and tel him that you need his support and a shoulder to cry on, a supporter.
There is nothing your husband can do to heal it. It will be your journey to your healthy self.
There is no shame in seeking help. It is a shame to waste life feeling miserable.
“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” — Richard Bach
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Talk soon, in shaa Allah.
As salamu aleikum,
Veronika al Mahdiyah xoxo
Ps. I should add a disclaimer that my advice is not a professional diagnosis, nor potential treatment and it cannot be assumed as such. If you feel that you are suffering from mental health issues, please have a professional to assess and address your health issues.