As salamu aleikum, Beautiful 🙂 Is it possible at all to have a great relationship with your husbands’ family? Realistic goal or impossible and distant dream? And most importantly: do you really need to be friends with them? Maybe salams on Eid is all you need?…
Let’s be upfront. You didn’t expect that by marrying your husband you are going to have to get along and fit in with bunch of… personalities.
I don’t how about you, but being an European convert in an Arab environment can get quite intimidating.
I’m not talking about the language barrier.
It’s cultural stuff that can make you nuts in minutes.
I was thinking for a long time how should I make friends within my husband’s family. It’s the right thing to do and it took me awhile to realize that sometimes politeness is all you need.
Sometimes you cannot get into the hearts and souls of others and it’s OK.
If Salams on Eid day is all you have it’s OK.
If everyone mind their own business and rather gives you plenty of space for your own dreams it’s OK.
Man, sometimes your husband’s family thinks that you are ‘the other’ and you will never EVER be welcome there.
It becomes a matter of attitude, because it’s not worth to try to change/please people.
The one thing you CAN control is how you react to them.
If your husband’s family is awesome and you feel at ease with them, then enjoy!
If your husbands family show no interest in you, let them keep it to themselves. Don’t bother yourself with anything more than politeness and don’t let their lack of interest get to you.
If your husband’s family is actively trying to create problems in your marital life, then there is an urgent need to take action. And the best course of action would be one that your feel comfortable with and could bear their uncomfortable presence once in a while.
Now breathe in and out. Sit down, asses where you are at with your husband’s family, make an action plan and then stick to it.
If your husband is on board, then gently let him know about any changes you are making. If he does not want to hear about the issues between you and his family (you would be surprised how many don’t want to know anything about that), then, for the sake of your sanity, you will have to take the reigns into your own hands and make the dysfunctional family relationships more bearable.
There is no secret sauce to it. You either enjoy their presence, avoid them as much as you can or ignore the differences and make them work.
Your situation is unique and what works for someone else may not work for you. You need to be OK with that.
Thank You for reading. Thank You for being awesome <3
Ma salama,
Veronika al Mahdiyah.
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