As salamu aleikum, Beautiful 🙂 One of the weird things we have to deal as Muslim women constantly is the black and white picture of our role in our communities and society in general. Either we are oppressed, needy slabs or waaaayy too modernized careerists that need some coming back to basics. So how to handle the personal ambitions in marriage? Is it just a distant dream?
Let’s set some things straight.
First, about being slabs. PJ’s and sweatshirts are the best. Don’t judge!
Second, about being careerists. I don’t know how about you, but working on something else besides constant upkeep of my household gives me great pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. A creative outlet. Maybe because I love my work so much! As long as it fits my old school view of family first, I’m cool with it. Late night studies or work. Been there. Done that.
Third, marriage is not a reason for failing goals. It’s an excuse.
I’m glad we cleared that 🙂
So how do we manage personal ambitions and have a happy marital life?
Expectation vs reality management.
Everyone has high expectations, but not everyone has high follow through rate.
I can say as much as I want that I need to shed some weight for ‘health’ reasons, but it’s not happening if I don’t look what I put in my mouth. Home made baked goodies… Nom nom.
And it’s not my husbands fault that I love to bake. Sure, he enjoys it! I cannot blame him that an amazing recipe popped up on my Facebook wall and it’s his fault I’m making it now. Or, can I?
Reality is: I love good pie. Just learned how to make macaroons and have bought white strong flour to have a go making doughnuts.
It’s one of my personal ambitions to learn to bake. In the line croissants are waiting.
But how do I manage the expectations vs reality?
#1 I do not expect to become a pro baker in two weeks
#2 I don’t always have time or all ingredients to bake
#3 My family cannot consume THAT much of pastries and bakes
#4 I don’t expect my husband to support my passion nor be enthusiastic about it
#5 I don’t overload him with baking info, I just let him enjoy the food I cook
#6 I take it easy when I fail
#7 I don’t give up on a failed bake. I google the answer
#8 I don’t let my grumpy mood after failed recipe to affect my family, since it’s my passion, not theirs
In short: what I want to achieve, I keep it for myself. I don’t give explanations, but I inform.
Weight loss. Exercise. Learning Qur’an. Starting a course. Running a business.
It’s your venture. Nurture it. Set your goals and fail successfully. Learn from your mistakes and keep going until one day it becomes you.
Share the joys with your family. Find solace in hard times. And keep going.
Because personal ambitions ARE personal and it’s you who will have to work to achieve them.
I hope this blog post brought some clarity on how to achieve your goals while keeping the family first.
I would love to hear what have you found useful when you are working towards a goal? Family arrangements, time management or maybe something else, let me know in the comments bellow!
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Till next time,
As salamu aleikum
Veronika al Mahdiyah xx