As salamu aleikum, Beautiful 🙂 Welcome September! The month well deserved and awaited by us, mothers. We may need to take rest from the summer holidays of running around the crazy kids, feeding them snacks constantly and meeting other family members that we tend to avoid during the school year, ehem.
You and me, we both know that one of the biggest judges of our parenting, manners, ethos and other qualities are our mums-in-law.
She gave you HER son to look after. You better do a great job.
If you are one of those lucky ones, that was blessed with AMAZING mother-in-law, alhamdulillah!
And those who have had their patience and marriage tested by their husbands mothers, pull up a chair, grab a pen and a paper. Let’s dig deep into the relationship that you have with your mother-in-law. Shall we?
First of all, there are few types of bad relationships:
1. The silent war
Usually, you do not get along, but both of you do not bring it up. Hatred is mutual.
2. ‘You should thank me for rising your husband’
Your husband is mummy’s boy and you are the witch that took him away.
3. ‘Let me show you how it’s done’
From parenting to changing the bed sheets to breathing she knows a better way. Basically, if you are not doing her way you are doing it wrong.
4. ‘He is my baby!’
The mom-in-law just ignores you, your needs and your existence and manipulates your husband into spending time/money for her needs.And no, it’s not the case where a husband fulfills his duty as a son, it’s when you are on the brink of the divorce, because of your doormat position in the family. If you are in this situation, you definitely know what I’m taking about. She is poor woman, always. You hate going for a visit, because there will always be a sad story prepared and waiting for your arrival. And you are wrong and heartless. Remember the time you asked your husband to go out and explore the city? Yeah, right, it never happened.
We both know that husband has a duty for his mother and we do have to encourage him to serve his mum as she raised, cherished and nourished him.
But when in-law is constantly after you and always finds new creative ways to put you down, that’s when it’s not cool.
The solution to this problem depends on You and your husband.
He doesn’t have to sacrifice his relationship nor duty to his mother, but either put his foot down and ask his mum to be reasonable with you or separate both of you, so that the only thing you have to do are polite Salams on Eid day.
It’s not worth to pursue the relationship that has no future, especially, if you can’t go along with your in-laws.
To put an end to amicable relationship ask your husband whether he is willing to have a chat with his mum and tell her that you two obviously don’t get along and she should busy herself with some other business and leave you alone.
If he is not willing and rather refuses to talk or even acknowledge the problem you need to tell him that he should not expect anything from you towards his mum, no relationship, no pretending to like one another. Yes, you still politely greet her on those occasions that you get to meet each other, but that’s it. It may seem harsh at first, but better long term. There is no point in fighting or trying to please someone that instinctively hates you. And definitely there is no point in giving your husband hints to sort the issues between you two. He is very likely unable to hear anything negative about his mum. It’s his mama!!!
So, strap your belt a little bit tighter, breathe in and look at the real way you could deal with YOUR mother-in-law. Access the situation, the possibilities and off you go. You do need that peace of mind.
Thank you for reading!
Till next time 😉
As salamu aleikum,
Veronika al Mahdiyah.
If you would like personalized advice for the issue between you and your mother-in-law, contact me by email to book a consultation (firstname.lastname@example.org).